Struggling with people-pleasing, burnout or resentment? Discover 6 signs your boundaries are too loose and how to strengthen them without guilt.
If you constantly say yes, feel guilty for resting, find yourself stretched thin trying to please everyone or feel triggered by the same person or situation over and over, then your boundaries might need some attention. But, you are not alone - this is so common!
For high achievers, loose boundaries don’t usually show up as laziness or disengagement. They show up as over-functioning. Saying yes when we mean no. Replying to messages at all hours. Being the one who always picks up the slack.
And at first, it looks like success. You’re the reliable one. The one who gets things done. But over time, it stops being sustainable and starts costing you your wellbeing.
Loose boundaries mean you’re not clearly protecting your time, energy or values. You bend to meet others’ expectations, often at your own expense. And the longer you do it, the harder it gets to come back from.
They’re not a personality flaw. They’re a survival strategy. A deeply ingrained pattern shaped by past experiences, perfectionism, people-pleasing, or high-pressure environments that reward overwork and self-abandonment.
1. You regularly feel resentment after saying yes
You agree to something then instantly regret it, but feel stuck following through. You’re smiling on the outside, but silently stewing on the inside. Resentment becomes a familiar, uncomfortable companion.
2. You apologise when you need time for yourself
Even basic self-care feels like something you have to justify or earn. You say things like “Sorry, I just need a minute,” or “I hate to be a pain, but I need a break” as if your needs are an inconvenience.
3. You answer messages instantly even after hours
You feel anxious if you don’t respond straight away, even when it’s not urgent or expected. Deep down, you’re afraid of being seen as uncommitted or difficult, so you stay constantly available, even when your body is begging for rest.
4. You feel guilty for resting
Stillness feels indulgent. You only allow yourself to relax once everything is done and even then, the guilt creeps in. Productivity has become tied to your self-worth, and rest feels like a risk.
5. You overextend yourself to avoid disappointing others
You say yes to things you don’t have capacity for, just to avoid conflict or letting people down. You keep managing other people’s needs, even when it means sacrificing your own.
6. You tolerate behaviour that doesn’t feel good
You stay in situations or relationships that repeatedly trigger you, not because they feel right, but because the idea of speaking up or walking away feels scarier than just putting up with it.
Years ago, I was working in a fast-paced corporate role under a boss who expected us to be “always on.” Emails arrived late at night. Text messages pinged over the weekend. The unspoken rule was clear: if you wanted to be seen as capable, you had to be constantly available.
Fueled by anxiety and a fear of being seen as not enough, I overcompensated. I worked late, skipped breaks, and said yes to everything, often catching up on weekends just to stay afloat.
At the time, another colleague and I were both in the running for a promotion into the Marketing Director role. Behind the scenes, we were being quietly played against each other. She was older and wiser than I was - calm, composed, and quietly confident. I, on the other hand, was running myself ragged. I took on everything, pushed hard, delivered results, and made sure no ball was ever dropped. She seemed far more relaxed, did less work on paper, but carried herself with clarity and ease.
And she got the promotion while I was left burnt out and questioning everything.
Months later, after I’d left the company, I asked her how she had managed to stay so calm under pressure.
Her answer? Boundaries.
She told me she made a deliberate choice early on to set strong limits around her time and availability. She didn’t take the bait of the always-on culture. She knew that if she didn’t insert boundaries early, she’d be pushed beyond her limits.
Meanwhile, I had unknowingly trained the company to rely on me to absorb the chaos. I became the one who always stepped in. The one who carried the workload and mental load. Eventually, I sabotaged both the job and my sense of self.
At the time, I didn’t even know what a boundary was. But looking back, that moment shaped everything. It was one of the wake-up calls that led me to the work I do now.
Setting boundaries doesn’t make you cold, rude or selfish. It makes you sustainable.
Boundaries aren’t about pushing people away, they’re about protecting the parts of you that matter most: your energy, time, values and clarity. Without them, you’re more likely to burn out, overextend yourself and feel quietly resentful. With them, you lead and live with intention.
Here are some practical ways to begin strengthening your boundaries:
Before you can communicate a boundary, you need to know where one is missing. Boundaries aren’t always obvious but your body and emotions will often tell you.
You’ll know you need a boundary when you feel:
These are signs that your needs aren’t being honoured. To bring it into focus, ask yourself:
“If I wasn’t worried about how the other person might feel or react, what would I do to protect my energy, time or wellbeing?”
Awareness is the first step. Once you name the boundary, you can begin to communicate it in a crystal clear and healthy way.
You don’t need to defend or justify your boundaries. And you definitely don’t need to apologise for having needs. The most powerful boundaries are clear, calm, and grounded - not cold or aggressive.
Think about saying what you can do, not just what you can’t.
When someone asks something of you, give yourself permission to pause. You don’t need to answer immediately.
Ask:
Even something as simple as “Let me get back to you” can create the space to respond from intention, not anxiety.
You don’t have to overhaul your entire life overnight. Choose one relationship or situation where your boundaries feel loose and practise there. Small shifts lead to big change.
For example:
Boundaries are a skill. And like any skill, they get stronger with practice.
If you feel guilty for setting boundaries, it doesn’t mean you’re doing it wrong. It means you’re doing something new.
Instead of asking, “Will they be upset?”, try asking:
“What would self-respect look like for me right now?”
Remember: every time you say yes to someone else, you’re saying no to something else. Make sure it’s not your own wellbeing.
It’s normal to feel awkward, wobbly or even a little selfish when you start asserting your needs, especially if you’ve spent years overgiving.
Some people may push back. That’s OK. Let it be uncomfortable, but don’t let it stop you. Boundaries aren’t about pleasing others, they’re about protecting your peace.
Protecting your time and energy doesn’t have to feel scary or selfish. Boundaries are a skill and you can learn them.
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